Sunday, May 29, 2011

When we lose someone we love

Why do people leave?

Good question. sometimes there is no answer. People leave when they change; when they cannot manage a relationship or when they themselves behaved so badly that they cannot repair the damage.

They do not know how to mend a broken heart, out of desperation they give up and run away. They leave behind people who love them. Sometimes there is no other way, for staying on would cause more sorrow later on.

Happiness and hardship are tests for us

Others may love, betray and turn away because their hearts are weak and filled with shaitan's whisperings. Many such experiences are simply tests for us. How do we react to such situations?

What do we do when someone leaves?

Do we face it with patience and determination to go into damage control? Do we try to pick up the pieces and try to mend the broken heart together? Or do some people just love us, break our hearts and leave us to carry on alone, leaving responsibilities and a trail of broken promises?

Have we ever hurt someone before?

Sometimes we were the ones who had broken someone's heart. If we try to remember our past, perhaps sometime in our life we had done the same thing , to someone we have long forgotten. Someone who deserved better treatment and respect from us.

Maybe we were too young to understand the impact of our careless action or we did not know what to do so we just block it out of our minds.

Different people react differently

There was once a girl who liked someone of a different race and religion during our schooldays. Her parents were very unhappy with this friendship. She told me he was a very nice person and he treated her very well.

One day she told me she had broken off with him. How did she do it? Being only 17, she had no idea about handling the matter with maturity. She was scared her heart would soften.

She told me she purposely treated him badly and threw his present into the garbage bin in his presence, just to make him angry with her. She did all sorts of terrible things to turn him away from her.

In actual fact she still liked him and she did it because of pressure from her parents. The poor guy must have hurt a lot and perhaps his self esteem destroyed at that moment.

Its ironic because some years later she went abroad to further studies, met someone just like him and decided to marry this person. I think the parents were not too pleased by that but she decided to follow her heart. Her parents soon warmed up with the arrival of grandchildren. Life is like that.

Accept what is fated and get on with life

Sometimes we are not fated to be with someone for too long. Its better to appreciate the good times and be thankful to Allah for the happy memories. Isn't that better than to keep thinking of the grief and 'loss'? Everything will just be focused on negative energy and that would really drain us thoroughly. Surely we have better things to do that to live in the past. Wake Up!

The clock will keep ticking

People come and people go for various reasons. Sometimes its very hard to accept that though we try to understand. Many times it may not have anything to do with us personally but the other party had changed and we cannot turn back the clock.

Put our trust in Allah

The pure for the pure and the impure for the impure. Allah SWT wants to protect us and help us to stay on the straight path. Some things we feel is bad for is actually the best. We cannot see it at the very moment and this is when we have to learn to put our trust in Allah. Very often we still cling on to things and to people who are no longer good for us. Allah knows best.

Sometimes toxic relationships need a good shake up. If it still doesn't work, it may be time to move on. Nobody belongs to us and we belong to no one. Only Allah SWT has that right over us.

Know our priorities

What matters most is we remain faithful to Allah and He is always close to those who make effort to be close to Him. He always gives us a fair deal but we sometimes prefer to grief over what does not belong to us and had never belonged to us.

We grieve even though some people revealed their actual true and evil colours. Why do we even want them back if they cannot even behave as a true Muslim? We can be forgiving but we must know when to reject such disrespect. Surely we deserve better than that. Learn to love and respect ourselves.

Yet we do not grief when we or our children do not follow the sunnah or fulfil our solat, fasting and zakat. On the last day we will shall be alone and to Him we will return. Nothing else would matter.

Keep the right perspective

Lets keep the right perspective and strive to be steadfast in the face of adversity. These days I remind myself that we own nothing in reality and we will take nothing with us when we leave this worldly life.

Remember the purpose of our life -to worship and serve Allah,
not dwell on things we that we never actually had

We pray for the good of this world and good of the hereafter. Yet we must try to live this life as a traveller and keep our focus on our final destination. That way we can strive to serve Allah SWT well to make ourselves worthy of all the beautiful rewards of paradise.

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